One thing I never expected to happen in my whole life is getting an e-mail declaring I had made an “exemplary academic accomplishment.” Some guy named Larry Burns sent me the e-mail this week (to which he had forged the name of the president of the University of Central Arkansas) informing me that I have been named to the Presidential Scholars List. I assume it’s because I made straight A’s for the summer and fall semesters.

I’ve never made straight A’s before. In fact, I don’t think I ever made straight A’s and B’s. Not even in first grade. Back when I was going to school at the age you’re supposed to go to school I was not into homework and paying attention in class and all that. It’s truly a miracle that I got a college degree from a minor state college in Kansas. I realize we’re not talking Harvard here, but still.

And it’s kinda lame that all I got was an e-mail, no certificate, not even a real signature from a major UCA dignitary. But I’d like to join Larry Burns and possibly Dr. Allen C. Meadors in thanking those of you “who may have encouraged [me] toward this exemplary academic accomplishment.”

I’ve let the ol’ Post Irony get a little stale the past couple of months, but I’ve got a reason for that: I’ve gone back to school. It’s something I never thought I’d do. I was never a good student to put it mildly. Starting way back in elementary school, I understood that I would have to be educated to get anywhere in life, but my goal was always to do just enough to get by. I found early on that I was smart enough to just get by without even trying. In some classes, I even made A’s and B’s without intending to. Other classes, usually math or something with a heavy math component, needed actual study to do well, which I wasn’t prepared to do. When I was in the eighth or ninth grade, my parents sat me down and told me they were giving up. It was apparent that I was going to do well in the classes in which I wanted to and do very poorly in other classes. No amount of grounding or taking my TV away was going to change that. I remember being quite relieved that I had outlasted them. That all carried over into college. Luckily, after a lost couple of years I discovered journalism, in which I was able to maintain a B average without much effort. It only took 6.5 years, but I got a degree from a tiny state college in Kansas.

I love checking on what search terms people used to get here. My favorite so far: “crossdresser peeing.” Well, I mentioned seeing a cross dressing biker in one post and I’ve mentioned potty training Abby a couple times, so I guess that’s how Post Irony pops up in that search.

A few other people got here by searching for “sexy crossdresser” and “little cross dresser.”

My second favorite of them all: “grilled plecostomus.” Who wants to grill plecostomus? I actually put this one into Google and Post Irony comes up fourth. I looked through a couple of pages of the search results and didn’t see anything that addressed actually grilling these unappetizing fish.

A couple of posts chronicle my adventures in photographing my Abe Lincoln bust, so it makes sense that searching for “abe lincoln yelling” would get you here. I just don’t know if searching for Abe Lincoln yelling makes any sense.

One post mentions me seeing a middle aged woman getting an airbrushed tattoo in the middle of her back, which drew these searches: “star tramp stamps,” “best place for a woman to get a tattoo,” and “sexy middle aged women.”

In the same post I mentioned the mannequin legs used to advertise the tattoo stand, which match the search terms “sexy legs” and “disembodied legs.” Who’s searching for disembodied legs? Maybe somebody else will do that search, get this post in the results, come here and explain why they did that search.

If you’ll look at the bottom of the sidebar you’ll notice that the ol’ Post Irony is up to 5,000 hits. It’s amazing that just five people have looked at this thing so many times.

You may recall a post of a few days ago that included this pic of the locked gate at our neighborhood pool. I commented on the fact that there was no reason posted for the pool closure.

Well, the neighborhood newsletter came out on Friday and revealed the pool had to be drained because of high ammonia levels. You know what causes high ammonia levels in swimming pools? That’s right, urine. The newsletter implored swimmers to use the bathrooms at the pool and for parents to keep diapers on their babies and toddlers.

Many people make fun of me for eschewing swimming pools as big tanks of pee. They always point out that the chemicals in the water take care of such sewer-like characteristics. I feel vindicated.